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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  October 29, 2012 7:30pm-8:00pm PDT

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playy show." my name is jon stewart. we have a good one tonight. tonight's guest, my friend dl hughley will be joining us, but first, last night, night of too many stars. thanks to everybody for watching and donating. a great night. you see that beautiful set for "night of too many stars"? can we show that? that beautiful set was here. it was here. do you see, where i'm sitting right now?
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last night in this room. now it's not here. do you want to know why it's not here? because "the daily show" crew are [bleeped] set elves. they are magic. they worked all night long to make this happen. give these people a round of applause. [cheering and applause] unbelievable. anyway, it's been a big week. on thursday we had on the president of the united states. what happened was, and this is the truth, goldie hawn had been scheduled. [laughter] a last-minute conflict. so since the president was already in town for a previously scheduled traffic logjam, he stopped by for a 12-minute, you know, [bleeped], featuring all the standards, solid biden in a wet bathing suit gag, a couple, where the hell were you in the first debate zingers.
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yeah, those are real, baby. good old housing happen. reference, a smattering of some sober reflection, as well, concerning libya. i would say even you would admit it was not the optimal response, at least to the american people as far as us all being on the same page. >> well, here's what i'll say. >> jon: yeah? >> if four americans get killed, it's not optimal. >> jon: guess which part of that lit up the conservative media complex? biden. no, that's not right. not right. ah, it was hash tag "not optimal." by 10:00 p.m.'s "on the record" with greta van susteren, senator john mccain expressed his deep and in no way opportunistic disappointment. >> even from someone like the president, who has never known what these kinds of tragedies are about and the service and sacrifice that people make, it is still just, you know, i can't even get angry. it's just so inappropriate.
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and i'm sure that the families of those brave americans are not amused. >> jon: i can tell how not angry you are. [laughter] strong and definitive condemnation from mccain of an interview the senator could not possibly have seen as it didn't air until one hour later. and i'm pretty sure mccain stopped watching this show... [laughter] [whispering] so to see the senator commit to something without first properly vetting it was really, well, yeah, okay. i guess that was... [cheering and applause] i think jokes like that are probably why he stopped watching. anyway, i figure give
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conservatives a night to sleep on it. see the interview in context. perhaps the reaction will be less knee-jerk. >> "not optimal"? some people aren't happy about that. >> that is an embarrassing word for the president of the united states to use. >> this shouldn't be exploited. it's a national tragedy. >> cold and callous, the clinical language, cold. i would say tragic. >> jon: wow. it's still jerk, but i guess less knee. see, i thought the tone and context of the conversation in now way reflected a president dismissive of the gravity of what happened in libya. but i guess conservatives wouldn't be satisfied unless the president clearly labeled benghazi a tragic event, as barney suggested. the president would have to be really clear. you know, he'd have to say the word "tragic event." he'd have to say it like 20 seconds prior to "not optimal." >> nobody is more interested in figuring this out than i am.
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when a tragic event like this happens on the other side of the world... >> jon: like that, if he had said that... [laughter] if only the president has said "tragic event." well, opportunity missed. [laughter] now, in the context of that individual sound bite, you may view the right's grand mal multimedia freakout as an overreaction, an inexplicable eruption resulting from an innocuous stimulus, much in the way if you were to see, say, an aging jewish talk show host run to the bathroom after drinking nearly half a glass of milk, you might think to yourself, [bleeped] milk. to you. but it's clear now that the right over time has developed "baracktose" intolerance. [cheering and applause] you know, it seems like it began in 2008. >> who is the real barack obama? >> obama is a big risk. >> we don't know anything about obama. >> what does he plan for
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america? >> you know, old ben kenobie asks a reasonable question, but unfortunately the answer can only be found on bull [bleeped] mountain. a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... well, actually, it's just fox news headquarters right on sixth avenue. it's not that far. 2008, barack obama was a new hope. the empire was uneasy. >> mr. obama should become president, i rally believe it will be hard to stop the economy from being socialized. >> the al qaeda and the radicalists an their supporters will be dancing in the streets. >> i'll bet that this market drops significantly.
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>> he's going to have an effort to eliminate freedom of speech for rush limbaugh and sean hannity. >> the rights of law-abiding gun owners will be at risk. >> barack obama wants to depopulate the countryside and make us ride around on bicycles. [laughter] >> jon: while the economy is not yet socialized, islamists burn effigies of obama, the stock market doubled, limbaugh and hannity blather on, gun rights have expanded and cars remain legal... [laughter] ...the point is... [applause] but after obama's inauguration, there was no time to reevaluate failed predictions because the bull [bleeped] harvest of obama's presidency would wait for no man. >> barack obama met with king abdullah. and what did he do? he bowed. >> free obama phones. free obama money. >> wealth redistribution. >> $200 million a day on the india trip. >> why doesn't he show his birth certificate? >> we've got acorn, we've got community organization. >> the rapper common. >> global apology tour. >> death panel.
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>> the obama indoctrination. >> obama brand reparations. >> obama is destroying this country. >> the mosquing of america. >> we're establishing literally a command center for terrorism right at the 9/11 site. >> jon: literally. it is a literal command center for terrorism that we established at the site of 9/11. why would we do that? [laughter] but we did. literally. who would do such a thing, kill our grandmas, brainwash our children, institute shira law, bankrupt the children with $200 million a day travel habits? setting aside that the president didn't actually do any of those things, why would the president do these things? >> the president's a communist. >> this guy is i believe a racist. >> i think he's marxist. >> he's a natural secular european socialist. >> i think he's pro islamist. >> that's mubarak obama. >> hugo chavez obama.
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>> castro. >> lenin or mussolini. >> hitler. >> hitler. >> joseph stalin without the bloodshed. >> jon: with all due respect, joseph stalin without the bloodshed really not the same stalin. i mean, the bloodshed was his thing. without that he might as well just be, i don't know, gary stalin. i don't know. he's just like scooby doo but he can't talk or solve crimes. well, then he's just a [bleeped] dog with a snack habit. the worst thing about living on bull [bleeped] mountain, for the last four years, the lonely hns. >> here's some news you won't hear if you listen to the liberal main street media. >> this is an example of a story the mainstream media refuses to cover. >> why has the mainstream media barely covered that story. >> jon: uh, because it's bull [bleeped]. this is what brings us back to not optimal. this is what brings us back to not optimal and how bull
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[bleeped] mountain works its magic. as predictable and hyperbolic the announcements are, for some reason other networks can't resist its sigh remember song. >> the "it's not optimal" line making waves. >> some conservatives making hay of the optimal comment. >> making the rounds out of the comment. >> "not optimal" sounds week. >> jon: that's the thing about bull [bleeped] mountain. you may not live on it, but whenever it rains, you get the mudslide. wewe >> jon: welcome back.
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now, come november 6th, the 2012 elections will be over. [laughter] that's not all that's coming to an end. jessica williams has more. >> in 2004, a fresh-faced new artist burst on to the scene. >> there is not a liberal america and a conservative america. there is the united states of america. >> barack obama. from there it was a string of chart toppers. >> fired up. >> fired up. >> ready to go. yes we can. this election has never been about me. it's about you. >> he was a sensation. but recently obama made a startling announcement. >> this is my last political campaign. >> yes, come november 6th,
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it's over. with just one last chance to catch this great artist, we weren't going to miss it. >> i'm so excited to be here. >> yeah, i'm kind of like an audacity of hope girl. >> for me the new stuff will never live up to the classic. >> change you can believe in gave me hope for the future for my children. >> lowell, hello. change you can believe in got me pregnant with my second child. >> we've also had a lot of momentum, a lot more dynamic. this time he's more chill. >> i love the economy's chasing strong head headwinds. >> it's okay. i like the old stuff better. >> tell her about how all the new stuff is [bleeped]. i've been trying to tell her. >> the new sufficient is terrible. >> you can keep your current insurance plan, what is that? >> it's great. >> with the show moments away,
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the excitement is building. >> we're wondering who will open for obama? >> i want to see hillary clinton. >> if al gore shows up today, i'm going to lose my [bleeped] mind. >> what are you hoping to hear today? >> oh, my god. i see him. i see him. oh, my god! [screaming] oh, my god! >> oh, no, it's just a guy in a plaid shirt. >> i blew it. i'm sorry. i'm very excited. >> sorry. what were you saying? all these chumps had the wait in line, but we scored some v.i.p. passes. i couldn't wait to hear scarlet, will i am. >> hi. >> can you tell me where the v.i.p. section is? >> v.i.p. section? >> as the opening act droned on, we got ready for the main event with a homemade brownie we
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bought from a man under a bridge. finally, the show began. that old feeling started to come back. >> we can't let that happen. keep moving forward with policies that have been getting us out of this mess. >> i can't believe it. >> where has this guy been for the last four years? >> that's why i'm running for a second term as president. >> oh, my god i can feel his words. >> and that was it. the tour was over. it was the last time anyone would see the president do what he does best as president, campaign to be president. at least i'll have something to tell my kids about whatever the [bleeped] was in that brownie. >> everybody out of the way. [cheering and applause]
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,x+ c4-x!í!í!írg,x-xh0d(#tkid -) [cheering and applause]
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>> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, very funny comedian. his upcoming special for comedy central is called "dl hughley: the endangered list." >> we're checking signatures to get black people on the endangered species list. >> i'm sorry. what? >> it's to put the black man on the england dangered species list. >> the black man? you >> you never heard of the black man? do you want the save yourself but not in like a jesus way. >> are you [bleeped] kidding me?
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>> rest up. time to push some big old white buttons. >> do you hate black people? >> what? do you like black people? >> yeah. >> do you have a lot of black friends? >> yeah. >> you do? how many? >> jon: dl hughley. [applause] my friend. how did this happen? >> like eight years ago i was playing golf in san jose, and i hit a ball into this wet reedy area, and the marshal came up and said if you go in that area and you hurt either the lizard and its habitat, it's $50,000 and a year fine. and i was like, man, black people don't even have those kind of protections. we should live like the geico lizard. so i just went.
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it took me eight years the... you walk to a network and say, i want the save the black man, thaik -- their like, you're kidding right? so it took eight years. i met with a couple cats from the show here, and we just went out there and comedy central bought it. we had a good time doing it. >> jon: did it help we had three daily owe show producers with you, miles, tim and they're used to going up and asking people very uncomfortable questions. >> yeah. it was weird when we talked to the neo-nazi and asked him to save the black man. he was... >> jon: how did that go? >> well, he needs us. like hating... like just hating jews and mexicans is not enough. >> >> jon: it's in the a meal. it's in the a meal. it's like a cocktail frank. you need more. >> right. you do. >> jon: so what was the... what were the groups that were most for this? what were the groups that were...
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>> actually, there was actually no one except me that was for it. >> jon: you were alone. >> i was man on an island. but eventually, i think we talked to a guy from the private prison industry, and what they do is they... the private prison and private prisons need black people. if it were a crop, we'd be the soybean. [laughter] >> jon: sure. it's a very popular view right now. it's a very popular legume. >> they can pick the prisons they want to inhabit, and they want them young and they want them healthy and they want them to have lengthy prison sentences. so we talked to them. then we talked to young gangbangers. >> the private prison system selects the type they want that will generate the most money. >> right. so we talked to young gang mention in l.a. who knew they were going to go to jail. we got some stock in the company so if they go to jail...
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[laughter] then they're not just prisoners, they're shareholders. [cheering and applause] but that was some people that had a problem... i do realize we could be the only species who has participated in its own demise. you never saw the t-red sox shooting down another t-red sox. >> jon: there was not t-re x on t-rex violence. we tried not to make more people culpable. 97% of the black people are killed by other black p.j. education. the dinosaur had the ice age. the education i think is having a similar impact on young brothers. so it was interesting and funny and kind of just an ironic look at how we see things. like literally we care more about... if trayvon martin were a spotted owl, people would have
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felt more sympathy for him. >> it would have been more illegal. you're not allowed i think to stand your ground against owls. if it's an owl, i think you have to get the [bleeped] out from what i understand. >> i think an owl with a hoodie on is just as dangerous. >> jon: that's probably true. probably truement >> what cracked me up about the hoodie thing, i was talking to a guy, and he said, "he had a hoodie on." i remember when black people were scared of people wearing hoodies. >> jon: it all comes around. they'll get there. they'll get there. >> so it is just iron tick way we view things. i think primarily people have... like you've never seen anything happen to a young black cat where people say, wow, i feel sympathetic. it's for the same reason no one feels sympathy for the shark. they're afraid of the shark, so no matter what happen, they don't care. >> >> jon: interesting perspective. i can't wait to see it. and i know those guys were
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thrilled to have worked with you. they thought it was a spectacular project. it's great to see you back. when i used to see you on cnn and you got out of there, i thought, do you have survivor's guilt leaving cnn. when you left, i'm the last guy on the lifeboat, i'm getting out. >> i do have a little bit. >> jon: listen, man, always great to see your stuff because it's great. dl hughley, "the england dangered list" appears on comedy central. dl hughley.
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now obviously you can join us tomorrow night at 11:00. we did not cover any of the debates tonight. we will cover them tomorrow, and i would like the make something up about what happened, like mitt romney unhinged his jaw and swallowed obama whole and then spend an hour and a half just like this, digesting him. but i don't know what happened. but i'm excited. here it is, your moment of zen. >> let's talk about... >> he made a fool of himself. he made a fool of himself in the last debate. >> the issue here... >> we are reaching that point tonight that i didn't want to reach. >> nobody captioning sponsored y comedy central